Return of the OG toxic bros, board pay security blankets, airlines whine, and wishing for EVs
Story of the Week (DR):
The dangers of not pouring water over your dropped out campfire:
Travis Kalanick sees benefits of being in stealth mode for 8 years. ‘You build a culture of people that want to build and do not need to be famous’
While studying at UCLA, Kalanick was a member of Theta Xi fraternity. In 1998, he dropped out
Only people mentioned all former Uber bros:
CTO Brian Attwell: CloudKitchens CTO says he might add an IQ test for job applicants
Eric Meyhofer
Business Insider published details of a meeting at Uber in 2018 where CEO Dara Khosrowshahi and head of the self-driving unit Eric Meyhofer were questioned by employees: “Business Insider called ATG’s culture ‘toxic’ and referred to ‘missed warning signs,’ vast dysfunction’ and ‘rampant infighting.’ Any truth in this?”
Meyhofer then launched into a story about his kids. He told Uber employees that he knew culture was great under his leadership because his teenage kids wanted to visit the Uber campus while everyone was away over Thanksgiving break.
After hearing Meyhofer's defense, a handful of employees discussed him on the anonymous chat app Blind: "Eric Meyhofer: Based on his response at all hands on ATG culture, discuss his tenure as Head of ATG!" One hundred forty-one people voted to "replace him" and 28 voted to "keep him."
In 2019: Uber re-started testing driverless cars following an accident in which one person was killed: Meyhofer: "We've seen people bully these cars. They feel like they can be more aggressive because we won't take a position on it, or we'll allow it."
Strategic Partner Anthony Levandowski: charged by the Department of Justice for the alleged theft of trade secrets from Google's self-driving unit Waymo in 2019
Judge William Alsup sentenced him to 18 months in prison: "This is the biggest trade secret crime I have ever seen. This was not small. This was massive in scale.
President Donald Trump granted a full pardon to Levandowski
Pardoned for Fraud, a CEO Mounts His Comeback: ‘We Can Trust You Now’
Trevor Milton’s conviction for defrauding investors in truck company Nikola was wiped away. He’s now raising funds for a new jet he claims will transform flying.
He later enrolled at Utah Valley University but dropped out after one semester
President Trump granted a full and unconditional pardon to Nikola founder Trevor Milton on March 27, 2025
"He has unveiled plans for a new small jet that he says will have the highest speed and range—and largest lavatory—in the light jet category. Investor documents reviewed by The Wall Street Journal said the goal is for the plane to be the first light jet to focus on artificial-intelligence flight."
Delta CEO slams Washington over unpaid TSA agents, says front-line workers are being used as ‘political chips’
Top airline CEOs plead with Congress to restore DHS funding and pay airport workers. ‘Once again, air travel is the political football’
Between June 1, 2025, and March 16, 2026:
Southwest repurchased $2.6B in 2005; $400M in 2026
United $1.5B
5 NEOs: $91 million in 2025
Scott Kirby $34M; $97M in shares
Delta focused on $4.8B debt reduction
Frontline Transportation Security Officers (TSOs, Airport Screeners): 50,000
$328M per month
Boards protected CEO bonuses as tariffs threatened business. Now, as Iran disrupts trade, CEOs may get more protection DR
Fortune: Amanda Gerut, West Coast editor
When Apple CEO Tim Cook and his executive team received their performance targets for fiscal 2025, the board set a modest bar for bonus payouts. The new targets, including sales and operating profit, did not require Apple’s leadership to expand the business—the board set goals at the same level or below the prior year’s results, citing “trade policy” and an “uncertain macroeconomic outlook.”
A broader trend in which boards “protect” CEO pay from external shocks (like tariffs) either by carving out those costs or by quietly lowering performance hurdles in advance
HP is highlighted: its board explicitly excluded tariff costs (net of tariff costs) from both annual and long‑term incentive calculations, which helped CEO Enrique Lores earn roughly two‑thirds of his target bonus
An exclusive analysis of pay data from 50 public companies by Compensation Advisory Partners (CAP) reveals how corporate boards across America use a range of techniques—more-conservative targets, widened performance curves, and flattened payout ranges—to protect CEO compensation from uncertainties like the chaos of President Trump’s Liberation Day tariffs in 2025.
According to CAP’s findings, total pay for CEOs in 2025 rose 8% year-over-year, with annual bonus payouts up 4%.
Meanwhile, median financial performance was generally flat to up, with median revenue growing 2.9% and earnings per share down slightly at negative 1.6%.
Even among companies with the weakest payouts due to underperformance, CEOs still collected 87% of their target bonuses, up from 77% the year before.
The share of companies that landed in the lowest bonus payout tier was down, from 15% in 2024 to 9% in 2025.
Now, with the Iran conflict erupting weeks after most companies finalized their 2026 incentive goals—and global stock markets down roughly $3.5 trillion—some market observers expect that boards will soon be holding the same conversations again.
Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav set to receive up to $887 million if Paramount deal closes
Meta is killing off the metaverse. It lost $80 billion
Dual class founder CEO chair for the win: don’t worry governance community, there’s nothing to see here
Oversight Board Implementation Assessment (337 recommendations):
Implementation demonstrated through published information: 62 (18%)
Partial implementation demonstrated through published information: 52 (15%)
Progress reported: 89 (26%)
Meta reported implementation or described as work Meta already does but did not publish information to demonstrate implementation: 53 (16%)
Recommendation declined after feasibility assessment: 12 (4%)
Recommendation declined: 34 (10%)
Recommendation omitted or reframed: 30 (9%)
Awaiting first response: 5 (1%)
Goodliest of the Week (MM/DR):
DR: Judge reinstates 1,000 Voice of America employees, deems wind-down illegal
DR: Trump’s war will boost the clean energy sector he despises
MM: Banning ‘woke’ AI in Idaho
AI bill says AI needs to be factual and not ideological, and says:
Nothing in this subsection shall prohibit a large language model from accurately describing DEI concepts, history, or critiques in an informational, academic, or analytical context when such information is requested by the user.
Which means this prompt: “Was Jesus black?”, Gemini’s answer is OK:
Historically, Jesus was a Middle Eastern Jew from the 1st century, not Black in the modern sub-Saharan ethnic sense. He most likely had brown skin, dark hair, and an olive-brown complexion, representing a person of color, not the white European often depicted, though his exact appearance is unknown
Aryan Nation (started in Idaho) and Megyn Kelly disagree: "Jesus was a white man, too."
MM: SEC Prepares Proposal to Eliminate Quarterly Reporting Requirement
Assholiest of the Week (MM):
OG Tech Bros
Trevor Milton: Pardoned for Fraud, a CEO Mounts His Comeback: ‘We Can Trust You Now’
Travis Kalanick: ‘I never left': Travis Kalanick launches new robotics company Atoms with manifesto
"At Atoms we make gainfully employed robots — specialized robots with productive jobs that bring abundance to their owners and society at large,"
Where is Adam Neumann?
A TikTok tour of Adam Neumann’s Flow raises old questions
Ok, so what about some obscure asshole bro, like Martin Schkreli?
Martin Shkreli's New Computing Firm Is Betting It Can Upend Nvidia's Business Model
Not pardoned or making a big bro comeback: Elizabeth Holmes… you know, because of the boobs
Airlines DR
Delta: $1bn share buyback announced May 2025
Southwest: $2.6B in 2025; $400M in 2026
United $1.5B
American Airlines: Already spent all their money on buybacks, never recovered
Frontline Transportation Security Officers (TSOs, Airport Screeners): 50,000
$328M per month x 12 months = $3.9bn
Total big 4 buybacks: $4.2bn
You could have still bought back $300m AND paid to stay open AND get a guarantee from the government to be repaid when the shutdown is over - you would have been heroes, your CEOs could have made huge paydays… wait…
Ed Bastian $27m; $151m in shares
Bob Jordan $10m; $15m in shares
Scott Kirby $34M; $97M in shares
Bob Isom $15M; $14M in shares
Car companies
Why $4 gasoline is the tipping point for EVs
These 18 Automakers Are Walking Away From EV Plans
Honda (Acura)
GM (Chevrolet)
Took $6bn write down, but still says they’ll make EVs
Stellantis (Dodge, Maserati, Ram)
Ford
Took a $19.5 billion write down and killed most EVs
Hyundai (Genesis, Kia, Kona, Ioniq 6)
Nissan (Infiniti)
Ferrari (Lamborghini)
Jaguar (Land Rover)
Polestar (no longer sending to the US)
Porsche
VW (ID.7, ID.Buzz)
Back in 2009, Johan de Nysschen, who was the president of Audi of America, made fun of the new all-electric Chevy Volt, saying, “No one is going to pay a $15,000 premium for a car that competes with a Corolla.” He continued, saying EVs are mainly “for the intellectual elite who want to show what enlightened souls they are . . . so there are not enough idiots who will buy it.”
Headliniest of the Week
DR: Hinge Health appoints Tyler Sloat to its board of directors AND Chip Bergh Joins lululemon Board of Directors
MM: Robot Goes Berserk in California Restaurant, Dragged Away by Staff After Smashing Tableware
Who Won the Week?
DR: Amit Banati at Fortune Brands
MM: Amit Banati at Fortune Brands, who was “selected” as new CEO of Fortune Brands after sitting on the board for five years. Fortune Brands makes faucets and locks and doors, Banati was CFO at Kellogg making snack food, so naturally it was a good choice. On the announcement, an activist immediately took a stake - Banati was supposed to start in May, left Kellogg, signed a contract with Fortune, and stepped down from activist pressure, but not before getting PAID $18.4m for zero days as CEO (it was his “make up” for leaving options at Kellogg).
Predictions
DR: President JD Vance Preemptively Pardons Trevor Milton for Future Fraud Misunderstandings
MM: Humans will be cool again 5 years from now - I called our local HVAC company to ask them a question about replacing our air handler with a salvaged thing from an auction, and the person picked up said “Hi, this is Sam at Glasco. How can I help you?” I spent a solid 40 seconds to a minute describing what I was thinking, saying it’s a weird request, just looking for some feedback. After I finish, Sam said “I’m a virtual assistant - here’s what I hear you’re looking for, it’s a great question…” I fucking lost my mind, told the virtual assistant she sucked, asked for a human, and hung up. This is local company serving “South Windsor and CT area” using a fucking AI bot to avoid talking to a customer??? Humans will be cool again.
